He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You need a sexual gate keeper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
