That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
