you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
