Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
