hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
