Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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