I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She said her name was "party"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize