I hate all girls vehemently.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
