At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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