you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
