i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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