I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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