she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
