I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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