I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
