the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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