I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize