I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize