Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize