you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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