On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
