this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
