How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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