Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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