Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
