That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
