Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we're so committed to being not committed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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