cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
