She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
