They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
