wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just pee around me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
