he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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