I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
