we're blogging at a bar
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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