i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize