I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
