I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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