Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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