you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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