I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
