Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
