ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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