whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
