Your tits are I can't wait for
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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