Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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