shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
