What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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