I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
