but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
