don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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