He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
