I think I died a long time ago.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
