Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
