I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
