i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vagina is officially offended.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
