i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
