I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize