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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
