if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want her autograph on my taint
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
