Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
