yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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