Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize