Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
