Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
